Sunday, November 02, 2008

I Remember...

So the last couple of days I followed an old co-workers blog about her husband. He had cancer and the outcome did not look good. It made my heart very sad. She has 2 little ones and it made me remember....
Remember Paula and the last 2 weeks she was with us. I never journaled much about those days. But as I read Em's post... I remembered.
And I remembered that feeling when Em mentioned it did not look good and they would be taking her husband off the breathing machine. I remember the last night laying next to her bed afraid to go to sleep. I was afraid I would not be there when she passed away. I remember Steve {Becky's husband} assuring me that I needed to get some sleep and he would sit with her. I layed there on that chair/bed and cried. I do not know how long I cried, but I do remember Steve praying for Paula, Beck, and I.
I remember waking up the next morning and waiting for the test results. I remember the doctor telling us the 3 options and knowing the only one she would want: to be taken off the machines. I remember calling everyone I could. I remember calling my dad and just crying. I remember the 15+ people who came to her room to meet when she was taken off the machines and I remember singing worship songs for not very long before she passed away.
I remember being numb for a year. Most importantly I REMEMBER her.
Every day... I miss her. The numbness eventually goes away. The anger of her being gone... has not left yet. I wonder if it ever will.
So today, do not forget to tell those around you how much you love them. You never know when that person will be taken or when it will be your time. Choose to love and be happy {easier said than done sometimes}.
Always REMEMBER though.... Paula


beckyjomama said...

Those were the hardest days of my life ... until I had to face the next days without her. I remember the next morning you said "Beck, I think I fell in love with your husband last night" (after we watched him pray over her and stroke her hair and cry, himself, for a good long time. And I remember saying to you "yeah, I think I fell in love with him all over again."

Jenn, there is NO ONE I would rather have shared those days with, because there is no one else who could have REALLY understood.

We will always be the PBJ, even if we have to wait for the best part til Heaven.

I love you Girl.

And now that you made me cry ... closet here I come.

Michelle Aguilar said...

I am sorry for the loss of Paula. It must be so very hard. I know that you truly are the "mother" for these two girls. If I didn't know you, and read your blog, I would of thought you were their mom. that is so nice, warm, and fuzzy for you to be so kind and "motherly" to them and take them under wings. I am 100% sure, their mom is helping you out and looking down at them.
I always said it would be so hard to lose that person. I know that to lose a child is one thing, but, to lose the mom while the children are young is very hard.

that is why I always chose to be positive and happy at all times. You never know when life is at your last.

take care Jenn and God's speed to you always for being the way you are! :)