Sunday, October 05, 2014

Missing him always

It's been awhile since I have updated this blog... I didn't even do it on the 3 year anniversary of my dads passing. I went skydiving again that day! It was amazing, my way to celebrate his life once again. I'm doing better than I was 3+ years ago, better than I was a year ago, 18 months ago. I can laugh and smile and I know that is what he truly wanted...  my happiness. That is what mattered to him... that I was happy.
There are still days that I miss him terrible. There are days were my tears come and go quickly and other days it takes awhile longer to not feel that pain in my heart. Last night I had a dream. It was strange... I was with a friend whose husband was dying, then I was at his bedside and it was my dad. he was dying... again. Dang it! Tears just rolled down my cheeks and they didn't stop. I was heart broken and just told him I loved him... I do specifically remember telling him he left me with the devil too! ha- he said she's not that bad. He knows. But what I remember and what I woke up to was the ache in my heart of missing him. What I wouldn't do to pick up the phone and hear his voice. I never realized before that there are just certain things I only want to talk with my dad about. I love my mom with all my heart but still... there are moments I just want to talk with my dad.
Greif sucks... it does "get better" but it never goes away.
I love you dad and I miss you with every breath I take!

My dad- back in the day...

My jump on July 24, 2014