Monday, April 14, 2014

I hate death

So for some reason, it seems like I'm really missing my dad. I think for the past 6 days I've just stopped in my tracks and cried at some point... because I miss him. Not sure why... I mean I miss him every day but something is drawing me to him right now. I've been taking a class on the Vietnam Era and maybe that is why. It's a constant reminder of him, the sacrifice he made, how it impacted not only his life but mine, and why he is no longer here. I hate that. I hate that he is gone. I hate I cannot call him or go see him. Grief sucks ass and it does get 'easier' as time goes on but man, this is ridiculous. I feel that emptiness more again. That yearning to just talk with him and be with him. I just want to be in Alaska with him. Talking to him about anything. Watching some football game or war movie. Having him drag me to the museum, even though I've been there a million times. Sitting in his office while he works. I wish I would have cherished those moments more. I wish I could hear his voice. I think he needs to come visit me in my dreams soon. I need to hug him and I need to hear him. I don't usually cuss on this site but seriously- FUCK Agent Orange and FUCK everything for taking my dad from me! Ok- my rant is done. I love you dad and I miss you every day, some days are harder than others! Love you more and always-

Thursday, April 10, 2014

National Sibling Day

So apparently today is National Sibling Day.
I just saw a post by the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial that said

"Being brothers or sisters doesn't always mean you share the same last name."

It took me back to that morning in the hospital with my dad... when his best friend from Vietnam walked through that door. My dad had been sedated but was in and out of consciousness. When Pisano came over to the bed, my dad's eyes widened and he tried so hard to sit up. I knew he was happy to see his "brother". But as I sit here tonight I can't help but wonder what was going through his mind at that time. Did he realize that Pisano came to say goodbye? Did my dad know he was going to die? I can only imagine what these two men have been through together, they were in war together, a terrible war. They were in boot camp together, went through Recon together, and stayed together during the war. They had a tremendous amount of respect for one another and I'm certain there is nothing they would not have done for one another or each other's family. I grew up with the utmost respect for Pisano and that moment he walked through the door, I felt protected in this crazy sense but I also felt so much pride that he would travel all that way to say goodbye to my dad. My dad has siblings, they did not come. I know they would have if they'd have had the means to get there. But when Pisano walked through that door, it proved that family is more than blood. It proved the quote above:

"Being brothers or sisters doesn't always mean you share the same last name."

My dad and Pisano were brothers. I'm so thankful that I have witnessed what true, loyal friendship is about... what brotherhood is.

My dad is in the middle and Pisano has the white shirt on.