Sunday, August 28, 2011

Cherry Cake Pops

My second attempt at cake pops.

I tried a Cherry Chip cake mix with cream cheese frosting

Dipped in white chocolate

How to make these scrumptious little treats:

1 box of cake mix

1 can of frosting

Bake the cake according to the directions on the box

Let it cool

Crumple the cake in a large bowl

Mix in the frosting

Roll the mixture into round balls

In the past, I just put the balls into the freezer

Next time though, I'm going to try putting them on sticks

Then putting them in the freezer

Melt chocolate

Dip Cake Pops into chocolate

So I am not the best at this dipping thing. It could be because I'm using chocolate chips instead of melting chocolate? Anyone??? I did find that using the sticks is helpful; however, these cake balls seemed to stay very moist {yeah, I know many people do not like that word... sorry but it's the only way I can think to describe it}. I just need more practice with the dipping! You can decorate them in so many ways. I'm too lazy to do the drizzle, sprinkles, ect., so with me you just get plain. You can also mix up the flavors. I did one before with a yellow cake mix, chocolate frosting, dipped in a mixture of chocolate chips and butterscotch chips (half and half). Those are my favorite so far. Let me know if you have any other suggestions or flavor ideas! Also, I created my own little box to hold the Cake Pops but I hear that Bed, Bath, and Beyond may have something coming in so you can display these yummy treats a little nicer than on a Jessica Simpson shoe box! Hey- it will work for now though!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I miss you soooo much!

I really just want to pick up the phone and call you. I want to tell you about my day. I want to just hear your voice. I want to call you and tell you random things, like my toenail chipped!

I love you so much and miss you all the time. I feel an emptiness in my heart because you are not here. BUT... I know you are there, it's just not the same. I just really miss you.


your daughter

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Mornings.... a good find

So for the last 2 Friday mornings, I've been spending some time at our local Border's book store because they are going out of business. Today, I purchased 2 cookbooks {see below}, a gardening book, and 4 fiction books for $36.00. I'm so excited!!! {and kind of addicted}

I've been buying books like crazy. I can't wait til next Friday because there will be more of a discount and I will be going back to see what I can find. I'm going to definitely spend more time near the cookbooks and venture over to world history.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Today... I was just sad.

Because I miss him.

{my graduation, April 2008}

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Stage One of Grief or maybe the 4th stage...

I think that I am still in stage one. It's not so much the shock or denial, just the numbness of it all. I feel like I'm not in my body. That I am just here, going through the motions. It feels like nothing else really matters, I just don't care. I think about my dad all the time. I go back to when I was really young or as I was older. I have a picture ingraved in my head of holding his hand while we walked down the street in downtown Fairbanks when I was about 3 years old. I believe I already brought this memory up but it is the one instilled in my brain that makes me happy. The one where I felt like nothing in this world would ever hurt me, because I had my dad there. I just remember being happy.
I don't cry much now. I think I cried more when he was still alive, after I got back from Alaska in June. After I saw how confused he was. After I saw how he really was. I believe that is when my "grieving" started though.
You know, maybe I've passed the first 3 stages of grief though, but maybe not. I've gotten angry and I'm not anymore. I've felt the guilt and I don't now. I honestly feel like I'm waiting for the storm to hit though. Like I've been doing "ok" but something big is going to happen. For the most part, I'm not isolating myself too much though and I do talk with a few people about everything.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

September 1972

My mom, dad, and I

I'm fine... I'm ok...

I get asked every day "how are you". I don't mind at all because I know that people are concerned and I appreciate each person. Everytime, I answer "I'm fine" or "I'm ok". But you know what, I am not. My body feels empty. Like there is nothing there, I just go through the motions and do what I need to do. I feel like something is missing. I feel numb. My heart doesn't even feel like it beats inside my body.

Every night I go to sleep, I ask my dad to come to my dream and tell me that everything is ok and will be ok. That he's better now and happy. I know, I know... he is but I still want him to meet me in my dream. I want to hug him in my dream. I want to tell him I love him in my dream. I want to wake up in the morning knowing my dad came to see me in my dream. I miss him. I miss him so much.

So how am I? I guess for someone who lost her father at too young of an age, I am ok. I am fine. In reality, I am just really crappy but I can't say that so I'm fine, I'm ok.