"Stewy"

So tonight, a friend said he was going to start calling me "stewy". When I asked why, he said it is because I keep things in and do not get them off my chest. He is right. So my first post for April's growing (UP) blog... I am realizing I do "stew" over things and I am going to make an effort to put a stop to that.



Question is.... HOW?



Any suggestions?



Most of the time that I "stew" about things is because:

1) I am analyzing if I am over reacting and being too emotional

2) I am too upset to discuss it and need to rationalize it though my thought process aka... think logically

3) I do not want to hurt the other person

4) I would be opening myself up and becoming vulnerable and of course I do not want to get hurt.



I think this is something over the years I have grown to know or understand about myself. I think it's ok to "stew" about things for awhile but I do need to get certain things out on the table. I haven't figured out how to do that yet... but when I do, I'll let you know! It's a growing process... right?

April- Growning up

So this month, I am suppose to write about "Growing (UP)".

Let's back up... I joined NaBloPoMo back in November. It is some blogging website that I do not have time to keep up with, let alone really know what it is about. Anyways, each month I get an email that tells me what I "should" blog about {remember when I blogged everyday in November?}. So this month {APRIL} they suggest to write about "growing (UP)"... and that is what I intend to do.

I have a lot to start talking about and will soon... beginning April 1.
{some ideas}
~how my divorce helped me grown
~going back to school
~Paula
~the girls over the last 4 years
~memories of when I was younger
~daily trials

Stay tuned because I intend to journel {aka: post} as much as I possibly can {in between school, of course}

If you want to join me on this months crusade of "growing (UP)" ... feel free!

Until then-
PEACE~

The princess and the king

Once upon there was a little girl, a princess, who grew up without a king. The king was around every once in awhile when she was growing up but not like the princess wished for. The princess grew up angry at the king because she felt like the king had left her. When the princess became a woman, she came to forgive the king and understood the things he did. The princess who was now a woman, grew to love the king very much. She enjoyed the times she did get to see the king. Her favorite memories were the times the king would stay up with her late at night and tell her stories, just the two of them. Then one day, things changed. The princess did not understand what had happened and she felt that the king had kept things from her. You see, the king had been sick for awhile and the princess was now afraid something bad might be happening. The king reassured her that everything was fine; however in her heart, she knew it was not true. The king and princess began to argue about everything it seemed. The princess was always defensive because she felt the king did not have faith in her choices. Every time she tried to explain this to the king, she felt he would not listen. This saddened the princess very much. She missed the friendship that the king and her had developed. The princess cried many nights because she loved this king more than anything. But this princess was hurt and so she began to build a wall of thorns around her so she would be protected. The princess no longer knew how to talk to the king and she wished she could find the words to explain how her heart felt. Mostly, she wanted the king to know that she loved him more than an entire kingdom. And back then, a kingdom was a world.

The End.

A day

So today, started out to be a bad day for me. I showed up at the gym to recover my swimming goggles from the lost and found box only to find out someone "picked them up" and it was NOT me. Then I came home to find out my instructor slammed my part of a team paper. We still got an A but... I was really ticked off about it. Next, was the eye opener that life is not THAT bad. I received an email from one of my students letting me know she did not post her homework last night because her mom had unexpectantly passed away. Her mom was 50, she is 20, and she found her. This all happened before 6:30 am.

As I drove to work, I put in my "God" music. A cd I made for Paula's funeral/worship night. Ok- note to self... do not listen to music that will make you cry while driving to work. I HATE death... it always brings back vivid memories of Paula and the last days with her.

Once I got to work, my day seemed to get better... until I found out Sync and Swim was currently not in business {if you shop there, call back after March 21 to see if they have store hours again}. I eventually found a place that I could go for goggles {yes, I try them on before I buy them}. I headed over after work, got the goggles, and was on the way out of the parking lot when......

Some old man accidently took his foot off the break and rear ended my NEW 4 RUNNER!!!! Yes, I said some major bad words! From the looks of it... my vehicle was fin. He hit the hitch of my vehicle. I still got his info and headed to my mechanics where they waited for me to show up even though they were done for the day. Well, they were finishing up. They looked my vehicle over and said it was fine! Thank goodness... I am fine as well. I think I have some stiffness in my back but nothing a chiropractor and good massage can't fix.

So tonight, even though this day goes in my book as a "bad" day.... I am thankful for many things:
My mom
My dad
My friendship with Paula
I have a job
Morgan and Faith
Friends
Family
My AWESOME Mechanics
My 4 runner that is still unharmed
Max and the annoying Howie

Definitely the list goes on but those are the main things I can think of today. I hope you all had a good day and a better tomorrow!

Peace~

Life

I feel like I need to post since it's been a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, nothing too exciting is happening in my life.

Work is good-

School is... well school.

I feel like my life consist of work and school. I try really hard to get to the gym but that always seems like such an obstacle. Maybe it is because I have decided to get up at 4:30 am to be to the gym at 5 am to swim for 60 mins to get back home no later than 6:15 so I can shower and leave for work by 7:15 at the latest. Seriously??? There are a few mornings I hit snooze for 90 mins!

Exciting eh?

That's all for now.... Peace~

I have been doing some major cleaning and I came across cards that Paula sent me.


I cried


I miss her


That is all

“I always knew I'd look back on the times I cried and laugh,

but I never thought I'd look back on the times I laughed and cry""

My day

I wish....... I was sitting here tonight.

Drugs, fake boobs, death, and good hygiene

The girls came to spend the night this weekend {sorry, I didn't take pictures}. We had a really good time. Faith made me the cutest valentine's and it was the best gift I've ever gotten! I LOVE IT!!! So we got to talking this weekend, I honestly don't remember how the subject came up, but I asked if they had talked about drugs at school. They said yes and Morgan told me all about the officer who came out for the DARE program. Now, this is not the first time we have had this discussion but I pretty much think it is important to continue discussing!
So next, Faith and I were playing skipo, listening to music. When I Grow Up by The Pussycat dolls came on. Well, Faith asked "did they say boobies?". I said yes. She got embarrassed and I told her that sometimes people got fake boobs. She asked if they felt like metal. I laughed! {Morgan was watching some horse racing show about jockeys}.
Finally at bedtime, Faith and I talked about her mom. We cried. I told her about the last time she saw her mom. What she said, what she did. I really believe she struggles with things and I think we had a really good talk. I told her my regret and cried. She's 9 and hopefully she understands that it is ok to miss her mom and to cry about it. I love that kid!
We spent Sunday discussing good hygiene. Faith learned to wash her face and put on deodorant. I harped on Morgan for washing her hair, face, body and I sounded like my mother. I hate that but I just want her to take better care of herself. She got mad at me. Then she forgave me. I decided when they get mad at you, you must be doing something right.
Oh- and finally I took them to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. Too cute and we discussed debt and credit cards! Life is good and we had a great weekend!

Happy belated statehood day (Feb. 14)
Peace~

Saving babies

So today as I am sitting inside my white trash ghetto home, I hear this random honking. I assume it's the neighborhood kids and I think to myself... show respect and walk to the door! The honking continues and I look out my window. I see a Cox Communications truck and the worker standing in the middle of the street talking to a guy in a minivan. In the middle of the street is a little girl, probably about 18 months old, in a diaper and shirt, wondering around. WHAT THE FREAK!!!

I go outside and they ask if she is my daughter. I tell them no and go over to the little girl, put my arms out and she comes running up to me. Ok, so what am I suppose to do? There is no other adult outside, why is she roaming the streets? And thank goodness these 2 people are not psycho's who could have picked her up and took her! Imagine the thoughts that could be going through your head! I am so thankful for the annoying honking that made me look outside. NOTE TO SELF: Never assume anything!

Luckily, a woman comes down the street (2 houses down), in a robe, wet hair. The little girl was her daughter. Somehow, the little girl got out of the house while the mom was in the shower. I think that could be one of the worst thoughts. NOTE TO SELF: Always have childproof doors so your child cannot get out of the house while you are home alone (because we ALL need to shower at some point, right?). {and no, I am not having a kid... that was more for you mom's out there, not that I think you are irresponsible, you just seriously never know}. I could tell the mom was about to have a heart attack, I know I was and she wasn't even mine... and I know the thoughts going through my head so I can only imagine hers!

I am just glad everything worked out well. Well, I am done saving babies today....

Peace~

Carnival of Venice

The Carnival has very old origins. It is a festival that celebrates the passage from winter into spring, a time when seemingly anything is possible, including the illusion where the most humble of classes become the most powerful by wearing masks on their faces. The official start of the Venice Carnival dates back to 1296, when the Senate of the Republic made the Carnival official with an edict declaring the day before Lent a public holiday. After an interruption lasting almost two centuries, the tradition of Carnival was rediscovered by the Municipality in 1980 and since then it has taken place every year with success.

When I was in Italy, I picked up a mask. Tonight, I was showing Faith some picutres and we talked about the mask I bought while I was there. She wanted to see the mask... so here we are:

Funny Faith moment...

This morning I got the windows tinted in the 4runner and we all know you cannot roll down the windows for a few days.... well, I picked up Morgan and Faith and they saw the 4runner for the first time. They approved. {I am still thinking of a name for it}

Anyways... I explained {very well I might add} they were not allowed to breath or touch anything! Also, under no circumstance what so ever... were they allowed to roll down the window {basically told them I'd dump them off on a corner if they did! HA-}. So... about an hour later Faith asks me "uhmmm... Jenn, what do we do if we fart in your truck?".

My first thought is why the heck is she asking me this... but then I realize... most people roll down the window when they fart! This must have been something on her mind for a bit because they'd been with me for at least an hour at this point. This will definitely be one of those blackmail stories for down the road! I need to add... a bit later we are eating and the girl lets out the hugest burp! Was she suppose to be a boy?

Final Decision.....

It's mine....

I LOVE IT................

Italian Alphabet

So.... not only do I want to complete this degree but I want to be able to have some sort of a conversation when I go back to Italy after I finish my MBA. The only way this will happen is to self teach myself Italian because seriously, when would I have time to take Italian??? On my little drive home I turned on my IPOD to the Italian alphabet. Deciding that it is probably best to learn the alphabet first before I tackle the language. I actually think I got it! As long as I keep repeating the letters, I will remember it. Not saying I completely understand every letter (h = acca, z = zeta, seriously???). I'm working on it!

a a
b bi
c ci
d di
e e
f effe
g gi
h acca
i i
l elle
m emme
n enne
o o
p pi
q cu
r erre
s esse
t ti
u u
v vu
z zeta

To leave you with a photo from Rome of Villa Medici

Happy Thursday!!!

Peace~

New car VOTING here

Being that the jeep is pretty much on it's last leg and my mechanic's advice: GO HOME AND PUT A FOR SALE SIGN IN THIS. I have been looking at vehicle's. As you know, I'm an SUV girl. The last car I had was in 96. I learned to drive in a Jimmy (aka: Blazer). And I found this....

Fully loaded, leather interior, that JPL stereo system, moonroof, I think if I kept going on you would get bored and confused (kind of like me). The main (aka woman) points: 4 runner, white exterior, leather interior, awesome stereo, and only 23,000 miles for an 06. Now for the man points: it has it all.

So why the dilemma: GAS! But... I know if I go for a car the difference is about $10 each time I feel up the tank, granted I can go a bit farther on one tank of gas... but can you see me in this?



If I get the above then the price would probably be about the same, if not more, because I like the newer model. So do I really save? Probably not. So what do you think... HELP.... post comments... please!!!

Oh- by the time some of you read this... I might have made my decision. Happy Day!

Donating, movies, and girl talk

Yesterday I picked up the girls and my mom. We did a little shopping and then delivered a bunch of cereal and other items to the Ronald McDonald house Donate here.

If you are interested in donating there are many different ways you can do this. We did the Inkind Donation and if you click on the link it will take you to the wish list.

We also took in 20lbs of soda pop tabs POP TABS

The girls are becoming vary familiar with what the Ronald McDonald house does for our community and I hope to keep this tradition up for years to come and even add on.

After the Ronald McDonald house, we headed to the movies to see Marley and Me. Now, I figured this would be a fun movie being the girls love animals and I LOVE labs. I knew the ending would be sad but had no clue how it would effect Faith. She just cried and cried. It broke my heart! What the heck did I do to her? Well, after the movie, I dropped Morgan off at home and took Faith for a little drive to talk about why she was so upset. She asked me "why do people put down dogs". She was crying. How the heck am I suppose to answer that??? Well, I figured it out and I think we had a really good talk about death {well as good as you can get when you are discussing death}. I love that kid! It tears me apart when she is sad and I just want to fix it and make everything better for her. We talked about school too and how smart she is. How she likes math and she could become an engineer! She said she wants to travel {this would be why I love her so much!}. As she struggles with reading, I am trying to help her understand that she can do anything she wants to and build her little self esteem right out of this world! We had a really good time together and I need to remember more one on one time with the girls. They both are amazing as usual but they are growing up so quickly. I went as far to discuss scholarships with Morgan for college!

Happy Monday~

Peace!

Merry Christmas

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Traditions stayed the same for me as I went to Gold Canyon on Christmas Eve night to spend time with the girls. We had a good time. They both got a 2009 calendar (tradition), a singing toothbrush (they were totally excited), and a toy (Morgan a Hannah Montana Barbie and Faith a Fur Real Tiger). Not to mention the Wii at my house including a couple of games they have yet to open! And no, I did not get a new puppy. The one I am holding is up for adoption so if anyone is interested, let me know. She is absolutely adorable... oh how I want to bring her home but I am sticking to my rule of only labs from now on (that's when I am actually ready for a new dog).

Dixie and I

A yummy desert I made {Thanks to Cherrye at My Bella Vita for the recipe! This was a great hit and so easy to make. I even made it again for Christmas day at my aunt and uncle's house}

Morgan {This is one of my favorite pictures of her, she is beautiful!}

Morgan with her Hannah Montana calendar.

Faith opening up her Fur Real... I love the look on her face in this one.

Faith with her calendar of puppy's, kitty's, and bunny's

Morgan, Faith, little Faith, and I {Little Faith is Susie's daughter. She is a doll and wants to spend time with the girls and I... I'm trying to keep it just the girls and I but every once in awhile definitely try to include her. I will always be the aunt who has gum...}

At my mom's house on Christmas morning. I went over to put the mud pie and fruit salad together while my mom finished the hard boiled eggs. She has never carried a purse but recently has been carrying a small bag around that she puts stuff in. I thought it was time for her to have her own official Coach purse. This is a little bigger than what she is used to but I think with time, she'll get use to it. Well, at least I LOVE it {she secretly does too}!

Finally, my fruit salad for Christmas day. Very simple and extremely fabulous!

1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 (12 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (21 ounce) can cherry pie filling
3 medium firm bananas, cut into chunks
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained
1/2 cup chopped nuts (I used almond slivers)

{I added strawberries, grapes, apples, and extra pineapple}

In a large bowl, combine the milk and whipped topping until well blended. Fold in pie filling, bananas, pineapple {additional fruit} and nuts.

Have a Happy Weekend!

Free

I am officially finished with my first MBA class... and I got an A. Go ME!!! {whew}

Started the second class and I now have a 2 week break from school. For some, you might think that is nice. In reality, this is the only 2 weeks I will have off of school until next year this time{unless I schedule a break which I might need to do}.

Happy freedom from writing papers!

Mocha

So tonight my mom put her dog, Mocha down. She found out a few months ago that she had a tumor aka: CANCER in her shoulder. I don't think I've ever shared with you all how much I HATE CANCER! IT SUCKS!!! Mocha is the 4th lab we've had. Brutus was our first one, from the time I was 8 to 18 (he was my favorite with the exception of my Casp). Then we got Bruno, a chocolate lab who died from valley fever. I got Casper when I was married and had custody of him after the divorce. One day I'll post some stories of that cute puppy. He died when he was 4 from... valley fever (I hate that as much as cancer!). And finally Mocha. I will miss her...

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak

And pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then you must do what must be done,

For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.

Don't let your grief then stay your hand.

For this day, more than all the rest,

Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.

What is to come can hold no fears.

You'd not want me to suffer so;

The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,

And please stay with me till the end.

Hold me firm and speak to me,

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see

The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you

Who had this painful thing to do.

We've been so close, we two, these years;

Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

--- Anonymous ---

Christmas Lights

After we finished the tree, we went to look at the Temple lights. We also drove around my neighborhood where there is a cul-de-sac which is always lit up. They have a huge snowman {see picture below}. We picked up pizza and came home. The girls played the Wii and then we watched Elf. Fun night!

Christmas.... Tree

Yesterday morning I set out to find the "perfect" tree. I had to get my mom's truck so the tree didn't have to go on top of my jeep. Then stopping at lots to find the tree {I'm a bit picky!}. I finally made it to A&P nursery, around the corner from my house and spotted the tree. I asked the guy if he would put it in the stand for me and pretty much make it so all I had to do was bring it in the house and decorate it. No problem he said... so I get my tree home and... it is crooked! Like I know how to get a saw out and straighten it up. So... My tree is a bit crooked. I suppose it adds character though. Actually the way it is facing, it is not that bad. Anyways...

Next onto lights. Now, I love a lot of lights and I have never had problems with stringing them. Everyone tells me they are getting artificial trees because the lights are already done and they hate putting lights on the trees... Oh whatever! Well let me tell you.... this year.. I HATED putting lights on! What the heck!!! I think everyone cursed me. For some reason, I started at the top. I usually start at the bottom. The last row of lights... did not work. Now, my lights are old so ok, I'll go get new ones. Which I did. Then, those were not enough. CRAP... I do not want to go back to the store! So I decided to space the lights out a bit... so unwrap the lights and place them farther apart. YAY... it works. I plug them in. The top strand of lights {which remember are probably 12+ years old} well, half the friggin strand works and half does not. Now let me ask you this.... HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Plus... I plugged them in 30 minutes ago before I put them up there. Now, I am frustrated. So back to Target I go... but when I get there, I decide I don't want to fight the crowd so I turn around and go to Walgreens... who cares if I spend more money. It's the convenience, right? Well... Walgreens has a "buy 1 get 1 free" deal. SCORE!!! I come back home, finishing putting the lights up... and waited for the girls to show up.

I let them help decorate the tree this year. It was fun! {The angel ornament is what I picked up in Venice made of Murano glass... it is one of my favorite ornaments}

Happiness follows frustration!

So... as I am reading for school and about to fall asleep, I get a phone call from "the boy" at Michael's. It is 8:30 at night and he says he found my frames, I can come back down and he'll frame my paintings for me. HOLY HAPPINESS!!!!

Frustrated!

So yesterday I got a phone call from Michael's telling me that my frames were ready for my paintings I purchased in Italy. Last night, I seriously forgot to take them down there and get them framed! {What was I thinking???} So, tonight, I head down totally excited to bring them home, hang them on my newly painted wall, and admire them for the night.

I show up at Michael's, the nice boy looks for the frames, looks a second time, and comes back to tell me he cannot find them! Seriously... it is NOT that big in the framing room!!! GRRRR...

So I sadly take my unframed paintings back home with me and wait to call tomorrow to find out WHERE the frames are so I can bring my drawings back in tomorrow night.

That my friends... makes me sad!

Here is what the paintings are of: Roman Forum & Colosseo (the drawing is the outside, I put a photo up of the inside), the Santa Maria Maggiore, Trevi Fountain

Girls church musical

The girls had a Christmas musical at church tonight. Faith has gotten so good at being more sociable. She did not figet or anything tonight... She did so great! She was even Mary {with no lines though}. Morgan had lines throughout the entire program. She was awesome and so animated with her lines. I remember her first church Christmas program back at Gilbert Christian. I think Paula was going to have a heart attack because Morgan was so shy.

{my camera or the lighting in the building did some wacky things to the eyes!}

Random- Max

So it is kind of weird not blogging every single day. My November committment went pretty well. I missed a couple days and more toward the end because I just could not think of anything else to write about.

So nothing too exciting at this point. It seems that I am constantly doing homework. I feel completely overwhelmed but I know this is worth it in the end! I just need to stay focused and not procrastinate too much. {like I am now}

Here are some pic's I took of me and Max the other day. Every once in awhile I think he might die so I take some photo's because I'll feel bad when he dies and I don't have any! He is getting old... 13 now. He does not even bark as much when people show up. He's mellowing out and we totally get along now... well I like him more, he's always loved me WAY too much! Is that such a bad thing? Nah....

Now, if anyone has input on operations management, accounting, financing, something about banks and financing, a paper on problem solving... let me know! You know, the good thing is... I painted my house and it feels more comfy which is a good thing, why? Because I think for the next 18 months I will not see very far past these walls!

Pull me out sometime... K!

Peace~