Sunday, June 24, 2007

June 24 - 6pm

I am so grateful for my friendship I had with Paula. Over the last 3 years, so much has happened. The grieving process is not easy and I've done some things I regret. I never realized how hard it would be to lose my best friend. There is so much I miss. I just miss being able to pick up the phone and call when things seem so crappy. I miss her saying "Friend, hold on- I am going to make a call and I will call you right back. Everything is going to be ok." And- within minutes she'd call back and everything would be fixed. Or- those times I'd be all emotional over some stupid thing and she would sit and listen to me. I would apologize knowing she had so much more on her plate to deal with and she'd say "Friend, we all have issues and no one's problems are worse than the others." This from a woman who was facing death. I miss going to Papillion's and having wings {hot}, salad {no onions and no onions or tomatoes for her} with ranch, and 2 ice teas. Going to the movies and laughing because I knew she was going to talk through the entire thing at the actors on the screen. I miss just hanging out, talking, sharing, her smile, and her outlook on life. I miss her.

Today at 6pm is when she went home with "Sir"- that is what she called God, "Sir". I know she no longer has pain, no longer worries about bills {she was looking forward to that}- she is suppose to be living in a mansion with a few lots saved around for when some of us make it up there-

The picture was taken about 6pm 3 years ago out in Gold Canyon where the girls were at the time she passed away. It's almost like the opening of her world, watching down on her girls. I miss her most in this world and I so wish she was still here- Life is not fair and it really can suck! Thanks for reading- tonight, just remember for a minute an amazing woman who touched everyone she ever met. A woman who was an amazing mother, who taught me so much, and whose faith in God was unimaginable.

Lord, Help me step into that place of faith where your grace is beyond my imagining and miracles are common place. -Amen


Anonymous said...

Right there with ya friend!!!! I looked up in the sky last night and had a nice long mind chat with her. I probably even said a few things out loud! Sure wish she was here to teach me to be as good a mommy as she was. As good a person, friend and Christian as she was. we just have to cling to our memories adn to everyone else who share the memories. Stay off the fllor, find a closet and I will be there soon - if only in my heart!!!
Love ya!

Michelle said...

Amazing post Jenn! Ironic - to my life - you should have that picture on that day. When we see the sun look like that Peter always reminds me what his father used to say. He called those rays of light "People's souls going to heaven". I think you've proven that!

I didn't really know Paula, but I must say, you've done a wonderful job keeping her memory alive. I feel as though I do know her. That's the best tribute you can give your beloved Friend!

I will take your advice and think of her, you, and all the amazing women I'm blessed to know.

(and yes, i stalk your blog)

shabbyscrapper said...

and once again, your blog made me cry. you are so amazing and i agree with the idea that people come and go in our lives for a reason. for am so blessed to count you as a friend. and those two litle girls are SOOO lucky to have you! you have more love in your heart than most people can ever hope to have. i love you!