Happiness

I was sitting here tonight, a little sad, ok, A LOT sad when I recieved a phone call from Morgan! She is the cutest thing ever!!! She called from Kansas- yep, told her grandma she wanted to call me. Faith apparently said she wanted to call too and talk to me and tell me she missed me, but once the opportunity came up to talk on the phone she decided against it. Here is the thing, up until this summer, Morgan would not talk to anyone on the phone. Once she got on the phone with her dad, she realized that it was "like riding the horses, I was scared at first, but once I did it, I wasn't afraid and I liked it". {seriously, I have no idea what she was afraid of when talking on the phone} Anyways, Morgan and I talked for half an hour. It made my night. I was just thinking how much I missed them and wished they were here now.
They are having a good time. Morgan said she likes the little town because there are not as many robbers and kidnappers. She asked me if there was anything exciting happening here- she makes me laugh, she is so grown up- OH, and she said since she liked to talk on the phone, could she now have her own cell phone- then proceeded with the "pleeeeaasssse". I said no! So she asked if she could still get Heely's. I promised I'd get her and Faith a pair before school starts. Looks like we'll be doing some shopping when they get home.
Those girls ROCK! I absolutely love them and miss them so much!!! I can not wait til they come home.

New Beginnings

This is an update which will be taken off my site within a few days. I wanted to let my friends know that it's over with Edward and I. I am sadder than sad. I think we are both just in 2 different places in our life and therefore the only choice is for this relationship (not sure what exactly the type of relationship we had) to end. I never told him, but I fell in love with him. For some of you, I am sure you think that is crazy. I know I have pulled away from some friends because of this relationship and the pain they have watched me go through while I try to be supportive of Edward. I did what I had to do because I am not one to walk away from something or someone I care about. I know everyone comes into our life for a reason and I learned with Edward that I could trust and I could feel safe and I know someone can care about me. So, tonight- I say good-bye to Edward. My heart is broke but I know it will heal in time. People say God only gives us what we can handle. I guess I can handle this, doesn't seem like it, but I know I can. I have the support of my mom and my dad- my friends- and Erika even called tonight. I have not spoken to her since last Jan. We laughed- I LOVE laughing! I want to laugh everyday and I want to smile and be happy. In time.... I do wish nothing but the best for Edward. I may not agree with some things, but he is an incredible man. If he was not, I would not be typing this email, because I would never have let him into my life-


Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

June 24 - 6pm

I am so grateful for my friendship I had with Paula. Over the last 3 years, so much has happened. The grieving process is not easy and I've done some things I regret. I never realized how hard it would be to lose my best friend. There is so much I miss. I just miss being able to pick up the phone and call when things seem so crappy. I miss her saying "Friend, hold on- I am going to make a call and I will call you right back. Everything is going to be ok." And- within minutes she'd call back and everything would be fixed. Or- those times I'd be all emotional over some stupid thing and she would sit and listen to me. I would apologize knowing she had so much more on her plate to deal with and she'd say "Friend, we all have issues and no one's problems are worse than the others." This from a woman who was facing death. I miss going to Papillion's and having wings {hot}, salad {no onions and no onions or tomatoes for her} with ranch, and 2 ice teas. Going to the movies and laughing because I knew she was going to talk through the entire thing at the actors on the screen. I miss just hanging out, talking, sharing, her smile, and her outlook on life. I miss her.

Today at 6pm is when she went home with "Sir"- that is what she called God, "Sir". I know she no longer has pain, no longer worries about bills {she was looking forward to that}- she is suppose to be living in a mansion with a few lots saved around for when some of us make it up there-

The picture was taken about 6pm 3 years ago out in Gold Canyon where the girls were at the time she passed away. It's almost like the opening of her world, watching down on her girls. I miss her most in this world and I so wish she was still here- Life is not fair and it really can suck! Thanks for reading- tonight, just remember for a minute an amazing woman who touched everyone she ever met. A woman who was an amazing mother, who taught me so much, and whose faith in God was unimaginable.

Lord, Help me step into that place of faith where your grace is beyond my imagining and miracles are common place. -Amen

Father

Happy Father's Day DAD-

I LOVE YOU!!!

IPOD Shuffle

So I just broke down and purchased this cutest little device. Yep- a PINK Ipod Shuffle. Now to figure out how to put only the songs I want instead of itunes deciding for me!

That's all- the end

Just an update

I went to the airport to say good-bye to the girls before they boarded the plane. Morgan was feeling nervous about the plane ride and worried to leave her dad for such a long time. Can you believe how grown up she is getting?? Faith asked me if I'd be sad when she left and then actually wrapped her little arms around me and gave me a hug. The girls made it ok and enjoyed their plane ride- that is via Stac. I thought I would post an old photo of the girls- this was the summer of 05 at a disney camp they went to at a friends preschool. Look how little they were and Faith has no front teeth!

As for me- things are good. Substance abuse class is almost over and with the class I attended my first NA {that's Narcotics Anonymous} meeting. NO- I do not have an addiction. We had to attend for class and do a presentation. I think this has been one of the most interesting classes I have had. I also started volunteering again at the detention center {which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!}

My mother went to North Carolina and had a fabulous time, this was the farthest she has ever been from home. She also went to DC and sent me a post card of the Vietnam Wall- She's the best! I couldn't ask for a better mom. Amazingly enough I missed her while she was gone and I was whiny on my birthday because she was not in town. Funny- because I still would have been out with friends but it's just the thought of her not being here.

Hope this post finds you all well- as Ang would say...

{Happy Wednesday}

June

The girls and I had a great weekend! We stayed up late on Friday night and had tickle time. Funny how Morgan NEVER wants to engage in tickle time but always ends up getting involved and having fun. We ran a couple errands on Saturday morning {the girls were great-no whining} and then went swimming at my friend Michele's house. After, I had to stop by Erika's to help her dad look for paper work- so the girls went swimming AGAIN! Ok- after hours of swimming, what do you think happens to children? They get whiney! So- whiney and all we went to Target to find a toy they could take on the airplane this week. We came home, made pazooki {apparently that is what we do here now} and watched a movie. I was so tired I wanted to go to bed- I told them to turn the TV off when they were done but we all went to sleep at the same time. Morgan was in bed and started singing- HOLY WOW- the girl knows worship songs by heart! We probably all laid in bed and sang for about an hour. It was definitely fun and a great memory. The next morning I brought them home and Faith asked if I was going to church with them- so I went. After, Grandma Karen came out, we had a little bbq and hung out. I took Faith for her first "REAL" Pedicure. Yep, she soaked her feet and everything! This from the child whose toes were afraid of polish! I'll never forget Paula calling me to tell me that Faith told her to call and let me know her toes were not afraid anymore {of nailpolish-her fingers were still afraid though}. That makes me laugh-
As for Paula- it's been 3 years. I hate June! How I wish that we could just skip this month. But I suppose there were many great memories made that month. The last time the girls saw their mom and the smile on Paula's face when they both climbed into the hospital bed with her- her smile was priceless. I was baptized in the hospital room, with Paula, Becky, and Heather. Paula won at Skipo- even though she was not awake! OK- Beck and I let her win! oh- I also made Becky say the F word 10 times in a row and it helped make her feel a bit better for a moment! Yep- Becky said the F word and I heard it. And then there was the talk of "smart vs. stupid" men. Amazingly enough, we laughed a lot.
I so wish she was still here. I miss her. So here is to June- and to Paula- the most amazing woman I have ever known and the bestest friend in the entire universe- no one could ask for a better friend!

Good Times

The girls are spending tonight and tomorrow night with me- then will be leaving for Kansas for almost 2 whole entire months!
I LOVE MY FATHER-
Ok- gotta go because it is time for tickle time with the girls but I just wanted the world to know the good news-

The end {for now}