Trying so hard

I went to the VA clinic to talk with the doctor about my dad's condition. If I remember correctly, I swear she said she's a nurse practitioner. What the blessed hell... I need to remember to ask why he is not seeing an actual doctor. Maybe it's because there is really nothing more they can do for him. What I find interesting is that I asked questions she did not know the answers to. My my dad had been seeing a civilian doctor therefore, she assumed that the civilian doctor had run the tests I had asked about. I asked if she would like me to have his medical records sent over and instead, she is going to run tests herself (which is good). My dad has been seeing this doctor/nurse for at least a year. I wish a year ago he would have allowed me to go into the doctor's office with him because I would have researched and asked these questions then. Why is it that someone without a medical degree can ask questions that these people who are professionals should know. It's all over google! He has an appointment on Monday, June 13 and I will definitely ask some more questions then. Starting with where the HELL is a DOCTOR at!
Reality is though, there is still nothing an actual doctor can do. My dad is still drinking and therefore, he was cancelled from the liver transplant list. I don't understand where his drinking came from. When I was really young, I remember he had crown royal bags around, so maybe he did drink back then. I guess I am pretty sure he did. As I got a little older though, for most of my life, he drank O'Douls and when the B**** left, he did start drinking again. So I really have no idea what kind of drinking he did. I felt like this nurse just assumed he was some sort of alcoholic and that pissed me off! He's not, maybe in some way he is, but I know my dad and he could/would quit if he was coherent and wanted to. I believe for him, drinking helps with his PTSD. Not that it's ok, but when someone from the VA wants to assume he's an alcoholic, they can go screw themselves because the war is what caused PTSD, Diabetes 2, and cirrhosis of the liver. At this point though, it's my dad who needs to make changes. He's a stubborn man and with his situation now, it's highly unlikely to happen.
Last night, he kept trying to drink beer. I started crying and told him it would kill him. He just looked at me with a blank stare {which is what he's done for the past two days}. I don't know if he understood what I was saying or not; however, he finally started drinking water and 24 hours later, he still has not had a beer. Maybe it's wishful thinking that he understood me but I would like to think he did!
Everyone keeps saying to cherish the time I'm with him and I am. It's hard though when he is pretty much asleep all day and night. When he is awake, he just stares and does not talk. Over the last two days, he has not really said anything to me. He did tell me twice that he loved me, and that was after I said it to him. I am thankful for that, very much thankful!
Last night, as I was crying, I told him I wanted to have a conversation with him, that I wanted him to talk to me. A few minutes later, he tried his hardest to talk to me. His words make no sense but I know he tried and that is all that matters to me. I miss talking to him. I miss him understanding what I say. He's a good man and his heart is always in the right place. I wish more than anything, I could make him better and no longer in pain.