Tuesday, August 09, 2011

I'm fine... I'm ok...

I get asked every day "how are you". I don't mind at all because I know that people are concerned and I appreciate each person. Everytime, I answer "I'm fine" or "I'm ok". But you know what, I am not. My body feels empty. Like there is nothing there, I just go through the motions and do what I need to do. I feel like something is missing. I feel numb. My heart doesn't even feel like it beats inside my body.

Every night I go to sleep, I ask my dad to come to my dream and tell me that everything is ok and will be ok. That he's better now and happy. I know, I know... he is but I still want him to meet me in my dream. I want to hug him in my dream. I want to tell him I love him in my dream. I want to wake up in the morning knowing my dad came to see me in my dream. I miss him. I miss him so much.

So how am I? I guess for someone who lost her father at too young of an age, I am ok. I am fine. In reality, I am just really crappy but I can't say that so I'm fine, I'm ok.

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