If you want me to...

Let's just say it's still been a rocky couple of months in my life but I think the wave has crashed and I am slowly looking at the horizon and trying my hardest to hold on to hope. From sad, to hurt, to anger, to stress, back to sad, then anger again, and finally just pure stress with sometimes a laugh or two... it seems like every aspect of my life has been hit. Like that quote "when it rains, it pours". Well, there is hail and ironically, it feels like hell. Today though, I had a little "come to God" moment. Edward {yes, that Edward} and I were on a road trip and I put in Third Day. {whenever I hear Third Day, I think of him... he likes them and so do I}. He made a comment how he really needs to find a church again because when he was attending church before, it was the happiest he'd ever been. It made me think.... yes, he's right. Then I put in Ginny {Owens} - If you want me to - {song}. If any of you have heard the version of this on the Night at Rocketown CD, you've heard Ginny talk about her trails that she endured while trying to find a teaching job. Apparently, she realized that we are all going to endure trials; however, it's how we handle the trials that matters. I realized, I need to give these trials to God and trust in Him. I need to find Him again though. I need to believe.... again. Oh- and maybe not be so angry at some of the previous trails I've had {you know like losing my best friend 7 years ago and taking her from the lives of her 2 daughters}. So that is what I am going to try and do. I'm going to try and find Him. That makes me happy no matter what else is going on. That brings me a since of peace. He makes me feel that way.... not the one I love, you know the other him that has made me feel so broken because he needs some time to get through his own trails. So maybe if I can bring peace to my heart, the other part of my heart... the one that aches over him... will heal. Wish me luck!