Lynkin's 1st Christmas

I have to say, I was very blessed to have found this little guy! He's totally chill, loves to cuddle, nothing major is chewed up {knock HARD on wood everywhere!}. That could be due to the fact he is totally spoiled and has a basket full of toys! I just seriously love him and I am excited to spend how many years as possible with this little guy!

Lynkin's first Christmas ornament! Thanks Auntie Erika!!!

Some of his toys and a great big yummy treat!
Lynkin's first stocking...

The White House

I've always imagined the White House.... well, not surrounded by buildings!

Let's back up here... I went to visit Erika in DC (Alexandria, VA). Across the street from her apartment is the Metro. So when I flew in, late Thursday night, I knew I'd be on my own for Friday. My plan was to take the Metro and check out the memorials. The next three days we'd spend venturing out together. I cross the street to the metro and realize it's completely different than the L in Chicago or Metro in Rome. I now need to figure out where I am exactly and where I am going. Finally, I'm on my way. {By the way... the DC Metro, the blue and yellow lines will run the same track and same with the green, red, and orange}. I arrive to my destination, to see the Vietnam Memorial Wall! I figure it cannot be too hard to find once I get off the metro but it seems the people I ask have no clue where the memorials are. HELLO DC... the memorials are kind of big! I find a security officer and she gives me directions and tells me it's going to be a long walk, a really long walk! I go straight to 21st St. Take a left to E St. Keep walking to 17th St. All of a sudden, sirens go off and a police car is stopping traffic to my right! Police officers are crossing into the street and to my right, traffic is being stopped by another police car. Police on motorcycles come from across the street! Two men behind me are telling the police officer their hands are out of their pockets!!! I look at the police officer and tell him I am new to let me know what to do. He says to just stay where I am. Behind me, the two men are talking and I begin to realize this I may actually live. I ask this nice police officer, who does not even smile the entire time, if it's a photo opportunity and he says "probably". So I take out my camera {yes, from my purse and I assure you that police office watched the entire time as I was reaching into my purse}. I quickly snap a photo of this....... I did not even realize the car had passed because once I put the camera down, I was too intrigued by all of the secret service vehicles, which were following this car....

The nice men behind me explain this is not the President, could be the Vice President or someone else. Meanwhile, I still have no idea where I am at and my only goal at this point is the Vietnam Wall! I have seen the top of the Washington Memorial so I know I am getting close but being my first time to DC, I do not have my bearings yet. Once I am able to keep walking, I turn to look back and there is the White House!

Stand.....

It always comes back to this....

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break

Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place


I really need to start just writing my thoughts in a journal instead of posting through a song on here... but over the last couple of months, I have nothing happy to write about, except Lynkin. He makes me happy and tonight... he gets to sleep on my bed because he's unconditional.

Collide

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you, yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide
You finally find you and I collide

~Howie Day

I love him

but sometimes,

it just hurts too bad.

Candy Anyone?

New house, kid neighborhood... you'd think A LOT of trick or treaters, right? WRONG!

I had about 10 kids.....

Maybe next year will be a little more Halloweenish around here!


Oh... and Lynkin did great going to the door with me. :)
I LOVE him! :)

20 years

So this weekend was my 20 year reunion...

did I go? No

20 years ago, I never thought I'd be here. I thought by now I'd be married and have kids, be a mom. The type of mom I read about on blog after blog. It's all I ever wanted. But things don't end up the way we want. For some reason, God really enjoys letting me know things don't turn out the way we want or hope for. I keep waiting for the lesson I'm suppose to learn. Maybe the boat keeps passing by and I don't see it because it's smaller than I thought, but I really just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel here.

I would give anything in the world for those I care about but it seems that in return I can't even get half. I don't expect the same in return, maybe that is my problem. I'm "too emotional" or "too girl" but you know what... at least I am loyal, caring, and trustworthy. Maybe I should lie, not give a crap, cheat, not go above and beyond to treat the person I care about like he is the greatest thing that walks on this earth. Then I wouldn't care and I wouldn't be "too girl".

If anyone knows a doctor who can take out a girls emotions, let me know... I think it could help!

Playtime

Lynkin is getting braver and braver. Here he is playing with my mom's dog, Bella. He's holding his own when playing with her now. They have definitely been entertaining us for the last couple of days!

Human chew toy

I tried to get a good video of Lynkin attacking me! He goes straight for my hands so I'll roll on my stomach and hide my hands and face. He'll start scratching at my head and biting my hair!

Lynkin

I am 100% in LOVE with this little guy...

Coach Shoes and their new home...

My shoes... in their new home!

I LOVE... LOVE... LOVE.. these shoes. I thought about them 6 weeks prior to purchasing them because I knew I was going to buy a house and knew I should save my money. Finally, I gave in. I figured when I actually had the house, I wouldn't be able to afford them like I could at that point. A friend kept giving me a hard time about the shoes so I had to take a photo of them by theirselves in the closet. They now have friends and look absolutely HOT in my house... Yep, super glad I bought the shoes when I did!

{p.s. the baseboards were not done when the photos were taken}

The House

I still need to decorate and take better photos but here is a sneak peak...

Master Bedroom looking into the Master Bath. The carpet and paint is new. Still in the moving stages... Kitchen and Family Room.



Guest Bath... I wanted it to match my pillow case, so my painter took the pillow case down to match the color. This came out darker than I expected but I actually really like it. I still want to add some pink and brown accents in the bathroom... just need to find what I want!

Laundry Room... what a nightmare! I wanted the front loaders and I got them. However, they didn't fit at first. I had to have my painter move the vent to the dryer so we could put the closet doors on (yes, the one thing I don't love about this house is I do not have a laundry room... it's just in the hall). Well, he moved the vent to push the dryer back; however, I just realized today... that I have to manuever the soap dispenser past the open closet door and the dryer door doesn't open all the way. I need to move the dryer over! Basically... I need a handyman to put on different doors or something... I still LOVE my washer and dryer though!

So, that's a sneak peak. When I get more organized and some things up on the walls, I'll take more photos and post. I think the funniest thing is Max though. I really think he likes the house but he's always just wandering around, like he's lost or something. Because of all the tile, it echo's in the house and when I call his name, he looks the other way. Keep in mind, he's 14-1/2 so that does not help! The last couple days, I've gone in the pool for a couple of hours. The pool has a gate around it and Max keeps coming outside and walking around the yard, then goes back inside. He'll even stick his head out the doggie door. Cracks me up! Not the best photo but here's a quick look at the happiness of a dog in his new home!

House

Tomorrow, it will be official......

House Hunting

Last May I decided to buy a house. This was something I have always wanted to do and decided it was fine. I did not want to start looking for awhile, because I did not want to find a house in June, close in August, and move in the middle of 118 degree weather. So, I waited until the middle of July to start looking and found the house I wanted. Unfortunately, it was a short sale but I wasn't in a hurry so I was fine to wait. Well, I waited 7 months. I passed up a few houses only because I REALLY wanted this specific one and everyone kept saying to hold out, it will happen. In mid February, I was told the seller's changed their mind and I decided to fight to keep their house. So, I was back to square one, with only 3 months until the first time homeowners tax credit expires. I found the next house; however, it was overpriced. I kept looking at other houses and watched the price on the 2nd house drop. When it finally got to a price I was willing to pay, I made an offer. We went back and forth for 8 days only to find out the seller and agent were basically partners and in my opinion, low life scum. I countered with 'you pay me back if the house does not close on time' and the seller said he wouldn't counter my offer. Back to square one, again. Third house, I made an offer, someone came in and offered substantially more and cash. DANG IT! Meanwhile... I have an offer on a second short sale since mid-February but not expecting anything to come of it because, well... you can see a pattern, right? Currently, this 2nd short sale house has been approved by the 1st mortgage company. I am waiting for the 2nd mortgage company to 'officially' approve the 2nd mortgage. They stated they would as soon as the 1st was approved. It hasn't quite been a week, but seriously, they better hurry up because next week, I am going back to look at houses.

Oh the joys of trying to have a mortgage payment!

BIG things...

Every month I receive an email from NaBloPoMo with ideas to blog about for the month. This month, April, I am suppose to talk about BIG things.
My BIG things right now are:
1. Finishing school (mid-August, unless I take a much needed break).
2. Buying a house (this is complete HELL).
3. Understanding the life of the busiest man I know.
4. Balancing all these BIG things so they do not effect my job.
5. Finding time for me.
6. Forgiveness

For some reason, I get to deal with all of this at once. I think I've come to that breaking point that I just cannot handle it all on my own. Unfortunately, no one else can help me with these BIG decisions and goals that I must and will complete.

I watches the movie Amish Grace this morning. I started to cry (cuz how can you not if you've seen that movie) and cried for the next 5 or 6 hours. I needed to cry and destress. The basis of the movie was forgiveness. This is BIG too. So now, over the month of April, I have a few things to talk about. I don't want to info dump on you now so we'll take it one step at a time.

Step 1: School

I have finally given up on straight A's. I know I can do it but at this time, I probably will not turn in my last paper. It will drop me to a B and honestly, is that so bad? No, it's not. (I am sure tomorrow I'll change my mind and write the paper but if I don't, I will be ok with it). After tomorrow, I will have 3 classes left. I am seriously thinking of taking a two week break but I know it will prolong my final end date and I really just want this program to be over. A bit of advice for those who want to complete their MBA, HAVE A BUSINESS BACKGROUND! Well that and don't stress over A's. No one is going to ask what your GPA was so why is it so hard for me to be ok with that? Yes, we've had this conversation many times but now, I think I really don't care. I just want it to be over.

Stay tuned for the house hunting... I will post on that a different day because tonight, it would probably have too many 'sailor' words in the post.... not a good thing.

Peace friends~

If You want me to

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Chorus:

Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise

You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will walk through the fire

If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through

And I will walk through the darkness

If You want me to

Cuz when I cross over Jordan

Gonna sing, gonna shout,

Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You

And I will walk though the valley If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley

If You want me to

~Ginny Owens

For You...

You're better then the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me,

Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok

And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday nightYou make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you

Cuz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Goal #2

Out with the old... in with the new.

I am slowly packing because I know at some point, I will be moving. Goal #2 is to purge. Get rid of things I do not use {easier said than done}. Here is what happens. I come across something I haven't used and I think to myself... but I WILL use it!!! Hint to self: NO YOU WILL NOT! My second though: the house will be bigger. Second tip to self: WHO CARES! Is this just me? Does anyone else contemplate what to get rid of and what not to get rid of? I remember when I was little, this trait of mine drove my mother insane. I used to save the shavings of my crayons (for some odd reason I learned you could melt them together to make one cool crayon). I never did melt them together. Wish me luck!

2010 - Goal #1

One goal for this year is nightly push-ups! Something simple to do, right? Sure if you enjoy them and last I checked, I'm not super fond of these. However, once I get into the 'groove', they are not so bad. It's the starting of them that I do not like. If you are interested in some more, advanced versions of push-ups, I found this website that is beneficial to making sure you have good posture with your pushups, plus, the site will give you those harder modified versions!

For another version (that is not found on the above website), try push-ups on a stability ball (found here).

Alright all... time to get to the push-ups for the night.

Here's to a new decade, health, and fitness!

2009, comes to an end

{Photo of the house I am TRYING to buy}

I cannot believe that we are entering 2010. Where does the time go? My goal this coming year is to survive my MBA and blog more. Oh, I have many more goals and this year, I will obtain a few that I have set out for myself for the last, oh 10 years or so.
One goal is to own my own home. I am in the process of trying to purchase one; however, it is taking FOREVER. It's a short sale (why they call it short, I have NO clue). You will all know as soon as the deal is sealed!
Another goal is to travel again at the end of next year, once I finish this degree. I would really like to go back to Italy (Rome and southern Italy to be exact), so we'll see how that goes. I will go somewhere though, it's my graduation gift to myself!
Next, run a half marathon. I've wanted to do this for some time and I have started training, then something comes up. Work is finally allowing me to take extra time at lunch to go to the gym. I have to make up the time but I've been trying to do this for... oh so long now. With work and school, this will be the best schedule for me and I am excited. Jan. 4... here I come!
By 2011, I will be a home owner, MBA grad, and a runner! Not to mention, I'll have a new stamp on my passport! So, stay tuned and hopefully I'll post more than every 2 months!

Happy New Year!

Veteran's Day... 2009

Thank you for your service...

Appreciate

Hey peeps!

I have a request for anyone wanting to participate. My friends brother was wounded in Afghan. He is back in the states and I know it is hard to acclimate back to the civilian world. I would like to get letters together (a paragraph or so) of thanks and appreciation for him. Even if you have young ones to draw pictures for him, I think that would be fantastic!

I think it is important for him to know there are those of us who appreciate what he has done.

I would like to collect them by the weekend. If you want to get involved, let me know. I will come pick the letters/drawings up or you can alway email me with them too. I would be happy to print things out.

This is just a way to give back to a man who sacrificed his life for us to sleep peacefully at night.

Thanks all!

Gives up....

A = Accounting

Accounting = Hell

however

Accounting = A

I passed, with an A!

Advanced accounting with never having a basic/introductory accounting course. I will have to say this class really took a lot out of me and the last two weeks have been brutal.

Thanks to:

my cousin Orson and my cousin Ronni's man... Steve.

They both helped me through the last two weeks and without them, I do not know how I would have passed the class!

Those who listened to me complain
{over and over and over}.

My learning team mate: Wayne

and mostly...

Ryk, who continuously told me I would do fine. That I always do well because I "ROCK". For always believing that I can get through every class when I doubt my capabilities. Without him, I am not sure I would be where I am today with this degree program!

{plus he deals with my freaking, psycho moods}

Let me say, this class, has made me doubt if I will survive the rest of my program. I have never had any intro courses in economics, corporate finance, marketing, operational management, and strategic planning & implementation. Oh, and to top it off, these classes are international courses...

uhmm.. I don't even know the American ones!

So... wish me luck over the next 15 weeks because it is the economics and corporate finance courses that I have some anxiety over. If I can make it through those, the rest should be smooth sailing {I hope}.

~Peace

I am done... with accounting. What did I learn? NOTHING except that one should NEVER take an upper level aka... ADVANCED accounting course unless he or she has taken lower level courses. Oh... also, lack of sleep, this horrible class, and confusing personal life = a psychotic break down and a ton of tears.

I now see a brighter side.... tomorrow will be a good day!

End of the world?

(Max and Howie, 2001)

You know those days were you seem like it's the end of the world and nothing could be worse? Well then you read about an adorable little baby who has baby asthema and think, yes, there are things that could be worse. Worrying about your baby, it's worse than my day.

but on that note... I would just like to say, even though today is not the worst day, it wasn't one of the better days. Overall, I am lucky because I had lunch and a great Starbucks convo with a friend who always makes me laugh. (I always have to throw in the optimistic side)

Today though, was one of those days I missed my best friend. I wanted to call her and talk about my stresses. I miss having that in my life. That is one of the worst things for me... not having Paula there, especially on the days I would turn to her to vent with, head to dinner and a movie with, and know that no matter what, she would listen and be there for me.

I think I've cried it all out and my head is clear again though. Just school, life, not working out for 4 days, you know, the typical stress of my life and every once in awhile I have a mental breakdown. Accounting is almost done (24 hours left) and I am seriously considering taking off a few weeks to focus on some training but I am not sure yet, we'll see. This is a random, type out my feelings post, but in a year, it will definitely be interesting to see how far I have come....

Thanks for listening

~peace~

Bike Riders

Ok- news flash!
Cycling... aka... riding, is hard work.

Not only are you trying to just focus on the ride and improve your endurance BUT... you have to watch for cars because let's face it, people who are driving their car DO NOT care about bikers.

Plus, you have to watch for debris in the road. Glass, nails, screws, rocks, sand, cracks (in the street) so you don't
1) fly off the bike or fall over
2) you don't jack up your bike/tire.
You have to be intelligent to ride and able to multi-task. So for all you out there driving and cussing at the bike riders, realize their job is much harder than yours and be respectful!

Oh and when that new person is on the bike, they are a little wobbly and trying to figure out their clips, shifting gears, remembering to unclip, concentrating on the debri in the road, scared some driver is going to hit them, working the 'keep riding, take a drink scenario'... that is hard work too!

That is all...

Faith turns 10

One of my absolute favorite pictures of both Paula and Faith. On September 15, Faith turned 10. It has been a long rode for this kid and she is definitely an amazing girl. I took cookies out to Faith's class. She struggles with reading and writing but does great in math. We talk as much as possible going to college and doing something that she will love and would be great at. Of course, we have some time to figure that one out. My goal this year is to spend some quality time with her and help her with her reading and writing. I know she struggles and it's a huge reasons she does not like school. I cannot imagine struggling with those two things and enjoying going into a classroom. This weekend, we spent time working on a homework project, a time line of her life. She looked through her baby book and we both cried. Paula had started a scrapbook for her and while reading it, I remembered how funny that woman was. When I read to Faith, I could hear Paula actually telling the story. I wish she would have been able to get farther in the book but regardless, it is something Faith can treasure forever! After going through the book, looking at pictures, and talking about other events throughout Faith's life we were able to get started on the project and finished it the next day. We also spent time discussing 'girl' things. I cannot believe she is 10 and it is definitely time to start discussing certain things so I know she'll have the right information. On Saturday morning, we enjoyed some shopping and breakfast. We had a great time and she picked out Webkins for her birthday present. I love that girl more than I can explain. After she left my house, she went to Amazing Jake's with her friend Jessie to celebrate her birthday! She was so excited to go.

Happy 10th Birthday Faith!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Morgan is 12

Morgan, 2006, Halloween

I spent the day with Morgan because tomorrow... she will be 12! She spent the night last night and unfortunately, I had to finish a team paper. She went to bed while I finished homework. This morning, I had a quick appointment and headed back home where we watched the movie I got her... Hannah Montana. After, we headed to Red Robin for lunch, then to see the movie All About Steve. Ok- not what I expected and a bit much for her but we still had a good time. She wanted to see a movie; however, there really was not anything out there at this time. We also went to Border's so she could get a book (or 2).


At lunch, we talked about going to college and what she wants to do. She said that she wants to be an author and write books (about horses) and live on a farm. We've been talking about her going to college now for the last few years. She is growing up so quick and before I know it, she'll be scheduling for college courses! I cannot wait to see what she will actually do with her life. She has more of the artistic side to her so writing is something I could see her doing. We talked about a degree in communications so she could do journalism and writing. I can just picture her on a farm somewhere, not too far from home though, with horses and writing books or for magazines. College is a definite; however, her being happy is just as important!


Oh- I also asked if she wanted to get married and have kids. She just kind of shrugged. This is something I do not think she has really thought about. Strange because at that age, I thought I was going to marry Shawn, live on a farm/ranch, and be some sort of cowgirl! Hmmm... almost the same as Morgan. How things change... we'll have to see what happens with her!

Happy 12th Birthday Morgan!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Cycling

So for many years, I have been encouraged to take up cycling. Well, this morning I went on a ride (I have been a couple of times) HOWEVER, this was my first ride in clips. What am I talking about (for those of you who do not cycle)? I am talking about shoes and pedals. The shoes actually clip into the pedals and you have to REMEMBER to unclip or you fall right over with the bike. Yep, because your feet are 'stuck' to the pedals. I woke up last night and all I could think about was 'what if I fall over and get hit by a car because I do not unclip?'. I would advise you to try the unclipping prior to getting on the actual bike by going to a spinning class. I figured, what the heck, I would just get on the bike and go for it. So that is what I did.
As I got on the bike to pedal, my right foot was clipped in. I have no recollection of what happened next, I just remember falling to the right side. It is kind of funny and I laughed because I knew I was going to fall at some point on the ride. I have a little road rash, bruised hip, sore wrist, but other than that, I am fine. All is good... well except sitting on a bike seat for awhile is not very comfortable, nor is it comfortable for the rest of the day and I am wondering how I will sit tomorrow!
On my ride, I also had a flat tire. Dara was there (Missy, Melanie, and Joanne, a new rider that I just met). Dara changed the tire as we all stood on the side of Ellsworth and watched. Just as I told Dara that it did not take her long to change the tire, there is a loud pop. Low and behold, the new tube popped! Missy said she was thinking to herself that the little air inflater (I have no clue what it is called) should have a gauge so you couldn't put in too much air.
All in all, my first 'official' ride was good. I enjoyed the morning with great friends and cannot wait to get out there again. By the way, I only fell that one time. I did pretty good at the unclipping and there was one point where Missy had to remind me to unclip, otherwise I would have fell again. I guess I owe her BIG time!
Thanks girls for always encouraging me!

Learning

This past weekend I went to see the movie Julie & Julia. I was not sure what to expect and thought it was interesting how this woman started a blog on cooking and intended to write a book about her experience {via the blog}, which she did. The movie made me realize that I miss blogging! I just never feel as though I have something to write about. So my thought was, as boring as it may seem to some, I should write about my experience with school because it is 'my life', right?
What is interesting is 3 years ago, I had an idea to go back to school. My bio {which I post in every class} states "I was waiting for the rich doctor to come along but finally realized that what we expect to happen, does not always happen. So I decided to take my life into my own hands and do something about it". I went back to school. I was scared to death because I didn't think I could 'do it'. Funny thing is, I could and I have. Who would have thought back in October of 2006 that I would now be in school for my MBA {with a concentration in global management, because that sounds so much smarter!}. Let me tell you all something.... I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I AM DOING! I learn as I go.
Education has made such a difference in my life. It's amazing what this thing called 'school' can do for a person. It has given me a sense of self worth, taught me I can do anything I set my mind to, and gave me the ability to advance both professionally and personally. Did I mention I can use the word cohesion and know exactly what the importance of that word means in a business sense?
Going back to school gave me the courage to apply for a job, one in which I love. Don't get me wrong, I miss the days of S.B. ETC but I have learned so many different things in my position with UOP and I love the fact that I have made an impact in the lives of others. There are times I want to pull my hair out of my head because I talk with someone who may doubt him or herself and I know he or she can do this because if I can... ANYONE can. It just takes determination and someone supporting you, telling you can do it. Trust me, I have had many nights were I have doubted myself over and over. I have the greatest mentor who always tells me that I can do it though. Without him, I'm not sure I could have made it as far as I have.
So if you are out there wondering... should I go back to school or not? Think about this... what do you really have to lose? Will getting an education only bring you negativity? Will it bring out a side of you that proves nothing can stop you? Will it give you a sense of value knowing that you have accomplised something so many others are 'afraid' to do? Will it teach you things that maybe you do not know about and open opportunities that lay waiting ahead? Will it show your children the importance of an education because isn't that what we all want? Something more for our kids?
Do what you think you cannot accomplish and prove to the world that you are a better person for it!

boys are confusing...

especially analytical ones!

Peace~

Gill and Skippy

I never posted here that I got a fish. His residency was located on my desk at the University of Phoenix. His name was Gill and I hearted that fish very much. He was grumpy but cute. Well, I had my co-worker feed him for me and apparently on Monday morning when he came in, Gill had passed away. The guys knew I would be sad so they quickly ran out to replace my little betta. When I finally made it to work on Monday, I was not in the best of spirits... I missed my weekend get away and did not want to be back in Arizona! So- my cube mate, Dave, informed me Gill had died and I now had a new fish. I didn't want a new fish that day. I wanted to be sad Gill had died and sad I was home away from 'him' and sad that I was missing Paula. I wanted to be mad at the students who were dropping classes, angry that work had been stressful, and frustrated with the homework I had left to do that night. Mostly I just wanted to go home.

Now, deep down it brought me joy to know those guys at work cared enough to go get me a new fish because they didn't want me to be sad. They cleaned out Gill's home so the new fish wouldn't get sick. It even took them quite awhile to find just the right fish for me. How sweet is that!?

By Tuesday, the fish did not have a name. And Wednesday, I didn't go to work. But Wednesday night with the help of Ryk, we came up with a name for the fish. His name is Skippy. As of Thursday morning, Skippy and I began to bond. I still miss Gill but I'll say this much... Skippy is definitely NOT as grumpy as Gill. Maybe Gill was just sick from the day I brought him.

In loving memory of Gill

1/24/09 - 1/21/09

Life

So it has been awhile since I posted and honestly, there is not much to discuss. It seems like my life is pretty much consumed with work and school. As much as I hate school, I love it too. You can say I have a love/hate relationship with my education. This program has brought me to a place were I have more confidence in myself and has really helped me grow in my professional life. Each day, I seem to have more of a sense of direction of where I want to go. Not that I know exactly but I am getting there.

June brought me to my 37th year too. Life is amazing. Of course there are ups and downs and I look back on situations I have overcome. I was having a conversation today with someone 10 years younger than me. She mentioned she had ended a long relationship and I realized she was just a year older than I was when I got divorced. Sometimes it amazes me to say I am divorced because I am to the point were it feels as if I was never married. That time in my life, I thought my life had ended. Everything I wanted was "taken" from me. Being married, a wife, having a family. Over the next several years, I struggled and it did not get easier for quiet awhile. But I can honestly say how much better off I am now.

July will be 10 years since my divorce.

June is 5 years since Paula passed away.

Had I not gone through my divorce, I would never have met Paula. I've always been thankful for my divorce because it led me to a friendship that most never experience in their life. I wonder what this year will bring me because there seems to be a trend in major events in my life. Maybe the experience is just coming to a point in my life were I start to take control of everything and put it all together...

We'll see...

If you are reading this, more than likely you are someone who has been there over the last 10 years of my life. I am thankful for your friendship, whether we talk every day or hardly at all.

Life is good...

Earthquake in Italy

Say a prayer for them.

Earthquake in Italy

Images from BCC News

Peace~

"Stewy"

So tonight, a friend said he was going to start calling me "stewy". When I asked why, he said it is because I keep things in and do not get them off my chest. He is right. So my first post for April's growing (UP) blog... I am realizing I do "stew" over things and I am going to make an effort to put a stop to that.



Question is.... HOW?



Any suggestions?



Most of the time that I "stew" about things is because:

1) I am analyzing if I am over reacting and being too emotional

2) I am too upset to discuss it and need to rationalize it though my thought process aka... think logically

3) I do not want to hurt the other person

4) I would be opening myself up and becoming vulnerable and of course I do not want to get hurt.



I think this is something over the years I have grown to know or understand about myself. I think it's ok to "stew" about things for awhile but I do need to get certain things out on the table. I haven't figured out how to do that yet... but when I do, I'll let you know! It's a growing process... right?

April- Growning up

So this month, I am suppose to write about "Growing (UP)".

Let's back up... I joined NaBloPoMo back in November. It is some blogging website that I do not have time to keep up with, let alone really know what it is about. Anyways, each month I get an email that tells me what I "should" blog about {remember when I blogged everyday in November?}. So this month {APRIL} they suggest to write about "growing (UP)"... and that is what I intend to do.

I have a lot to start talking about and will soon... beginning April 1.
{some ideas}
~how my divorce helped me grown
~going back to school
~Paula
~the girls over the last 4 years
~memories of when I was younger
~daily trials

Stay tuned because I intend to journel {aka: post} as much as I possibly can {in between school, of course}

If you want to join me on this months crusade of "growing (UP)" ... feel free!

Until then-
PEACE~

The princess and the king

Once upon there was a little girl, a princess, who grew up without a king. The king was around every once in awhile when she was growing up but not like the princess wished for. The princess grew up angry at the king because she felt like the king had left her. When the princess became a woman, she came to forgive the king and understood the things he did. The princess who was now a woman, grew to love the king very much. She enjoyed the times she did get to see the king. Her favorite memories were the times the king would stay up with her late at night and tell her stories, just the two of them. Then one day, things changed. The princess did not understand what had happened and she felt that the king had kept things from her. You see, the king had been sick for awhile and the princess was now afraid something bad might be happening. The king reassured her that everything was fine; however in her heart, she knew it was not true. The king and princess began to argue about everything it seemed. The princess was always defensive because she felt the king did not have faith in her choices. Every time she tried to explain this to the king, she felt he would not listen. This saddened the princess very much. She missed the friendship that the king and her had developed. The princess cried many nights because she loved this king more than anything. But this princess was hurt and so she began to build a wall of thorns around her so she would be protected. The princess no longer knew how to talk to the king and she wished she could find the words to explain how her heart felt. Mostly, she wanted the king to know that she loved him more than an entire kingdom. And back then, a kingdom was a world.

The End.

A day

So today, started out to be a bad day for me. I showed up at the gym to recover my swimming goggles from the lost and found box only to find out someone "picked them up" and it was NOT me. Then I came home to find out my instructor slammed my part of a team paper. We still got an A but... I was really ticked off about it. Next, was the eye opener that life is not THAT bad. I received an email from one of my students letting me know she did not post her homework last night because her mom had unexpectantly passed away. Her mom was 50, she is 20, and she found her. This all happened before 6:30 am.

As I drove to work, I put in my "God" music. A cd I made for Paula's funeral/worship night. Ok- note to self... do not listen to music that will make you cry while driving to work. I HATE death... it always brings back vivid memories of Paula and the last days with her.

Once I got to work, my day seemed to get better... until I found out Sync and Swim was currently not in business {if you shop there, call back after March 21 to see if they have store hours again}. I eventually found a place that I could go for goggles {yes, I try them on before I buy them}. I headed over after work, got the goggles, and was on the way out of the parking lot when......

Some old man accidently took his foot off the break and rear ended my NEW 4 RUNNER!!!! Yes, I said some major bad words! From the looks of it... my vehicle was fin. He hit the hitch of my vehicle. I still got his info and headed to my mechanics where they waited for me to show up even though they were done for the day. Well, they were finishing up. They looked my vehicle over and said it was fine! Thank goodness... I am fine as well. I think I have some stiffness in my back but nothing a chiropractor and good massage can't fix.

So tonight, even though this day goes in my book as a "bad" day.... I am thankful for many things:
My mom
My dad
My friendship with Paula
I have a job
Morgan and Faith
Friends
Family
My AWESOME Mechanics
My 4 runner that is still unharmed
Max and the annoying Howie

Definitely the list goes on but those are the main things I can think of today. I hope you all had a good day and a better tomorrow!

Peace~

Life

I feel like I need to post since it's been a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, nothing too exciting is happening in my life.

Work is good-

School is... well school.

I feel like my life consist of work and school. I try really hard to get to the gym but that always seems like such an obstacle. Maybe it is because I have decided to get up at 4:30 am to be to the gym at 5 am to swim for 60 mins to get back home no later than 6:15 so I can shower and leave for work by 7:15 at the latest. Seriously??? There are a few mornings I hit snooze for 90 mins!

Exciting eh?

That's all for now.... Peace~

I have been doing some major cleaning and I came across cards that Paula sent me.


I cried


I miss her


That is all

“I always knew I'd look back on the times I cried and laugh,

but I never thought I'd look back on the times I laughed and cry""

My day

I wish....... I was sitting here tonight.

Drugs, fake boobs, death, and good hygiene

The girls came to spend the night this weekend {sorry, I didn't take pictures}. We had a really good time. Faith made me the cutest valentine's and it was the best gift I've ever gotten! I LOVE IT!!! So we got to talking this weekend, I honestly don't remember how the subject came up, but I asked if they had talked about drugs at school. They said yes and Morgan told me all about the officer who came out for the DARE program. Now, this is not the first time we have had this discussion but I pretty much think it is important to continue discussing!
So next, Faith and I were playing skipo, listening to music. When I Grow Up by The Pussycat dolls came on. Well, Faith asked "did they say boobies?". I said yes. She got embarrassed and I told her that sometimes people got fake boobs. She asked if they felt like metal. I laughed! {Morgan was watching some horse racing show about jockeys}.
Finally at bedtime, Faith and I talked about her mom. We cried. I told her about the last time she saw her mom. What she said, what she did. I really believe she struggles with things and I think we had a really good talk. I told her my regret and cried. She's 9 and hopefully she understands that it is ok to miss her mom and to cry about it. I love that kid!
We spent Sunday discussing good hygiene. Faith learned to wash her face and put on deodorant. I harped on Morgan for washing her hair, face, body and I sounded like my mother. I hate that but I just want her to take better care of herself. She got mad at me. Then she forgave me. I decided when they get mad at you, you must be doing something right.
Oh- and finally I took them to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. Too cute and we discussed debt and credit cards! Life is good and we had a great weekend!

Happy belated statehood day (Feb. 14)
Peace~

Saving babies

So today as I am sitting inside my white trash ghetto home, I hear this random honking. I assume it's the neighborhood kids and I think to myself... show respect and walk to the door! The honking continues and I look out my window. I see a Cox Communications truck and the worker standing in the middle of the street talking to a guy in a minivan. In the middle of the street is a little girl, probably about 18 months old, in a diaper and shirt, wondering around. WHAT THE FREAK!!!

I go outside and they ask if she is my daughter. I tell them no and go over to the little girl, put my arms out and she comes running up to me. Ok, so what am I suppose to do? There is no other adult outside, why is she roaming the streets? And thank goodness these 2 people are not psycho's who could have picked her up and took her! Imagine the thoughts that could be going through your head! I am so thankful for the annoying honking that made me look outside. NOTE TO SELF: Never assume anything!

Luckily, a woman comes down the street (2 houses down), in a robe, wet hair. The little girl was her daughter. Somehow, the little girl got out of the house while the mom was in the shower. I think that could be one of the worst thoughts. NOTE TO SELF: Always have childproof doors so your child cannot get out of the house while you are home alone (because we ALL need to shower at some point, right?). {and no, I am not having a kid... that was more for you mom's out there, not that I think you are irresponsible, you just seriously never know}. I could tell the mom was about to have a heart attack, I know I was and she wasn't even mine... and I know the thoughts going through my head so I can only imagine hers!

I am just glad everything worked out well. Well, I am done saving babies today....

Peace~

Carnival of Venice

The Carnival has very old origins. It is a festival that celebrates the passage from winter into spring, a time when seemingly anything is possible, including the illusion where the most humble of classes become the most powerful by wearing masks on their faces. The official start of the Venice Carnival dates back to 1296, when the Senate of the Republic made the Carnival official with an edict declaring the day before Lent a public holiday. After an interruption lasting almost two centuries, the tradition of Carnival was rediscovered by the Municipality in 1980 and since then it has taken place every year with success.

When I was in Italy, I picked up a mask. Tonight, I was showing Faith some picutres and we talked about the mask I bought while I was there. She wanted to see the mask... so here we are:

Funny Faith moment...

This morning I got the windows tinted in the 4runner and we all know you cannot roll down the windows for a few days.... well, I picked up Morgan and Faith and they saw the 4runner for the first time. They approved. {I am still thinking of a name for it}

Anyways... I explained {very well I might add} they were not allowed to breath or touch anything! Also, under no circumstance what so ever... were they allowed to roll down the window {basically told them I'd dump them off on a corner if they did! HA-}. So... about an hour later Faith asks me "uhmmm... Jenn, what do we do if we fart in your truck?".

My first thought is why the heck is she asking me this... but then I realize... most people roll down the window when they fart! This must have been something on her mind for a bit because they'd been with me for at least an hour at this point. This will definitely be one of those blackmail stories for down the road! I need to add... a bit later we are eating and the girl lets out the hugest burp! Was she suppose to be a boy?

Final Decision.....

It's mine....

I LOVE IT................

Italian Alphabet

So.... not only do I want to complete this degree but I want to be able to have some sort of a conversation when I go back to Italy after I finish my MBA. The only way this will happen is to self teach myself Italian because seriously, when would I have time to take Italian??? On my little drive home I turned on my IPOD to the Italian alphabet. Deciding that it is probably best to learn the alphabet first before I tackle the language. I actually think I got it! As long as I keep repeating the letters, I will remember it. Not saying I completely understand every letter (h = acca, z = zeta, seriously???). I'm working on it!

a a
b bi
c ci
d di
e e
f effe
g gi
h acca
i i
l elle
m emme
n enne
o o
p pi
q cu
r erre
s esse
t ti
u u
v vu
z zeta

To leave you with a photo from Rome of Villa Medici

Happy Thursday!!!

Peace~

New car VOTING here

Being that the jeep is pretty much on it's last leg and my mechanic's advice: GO HOME AND PUT A FOR SALE SIGN IN THIS. I have been looking at vehicle's. As you know, I'm an SUV girl. The last car I had was in 96. I learned to drive in a Jimmy (aka: Blazer). And I found this....

Fully loaded, leather interior, that JPL stereo system, moonroof, I think if I kept going on you would get bored and confused (kind of like me). The main (aka woman) points: 4 runner, white exterior, leather interior, awesome stereo, and only 23,000 miles for an 06. Now for the man points: it has it all.

So why the dilemma: GAS! But... I know if I go for a car the difference is about $10 each time I feel up the tank, granted I can go a bit farther on one tank of gas... but can you see me in this?



If I get the above then the price would probably be about the same, if not more, because I like the newer model. So do I really save? Probably not. So what do you think... HELP.... post comments... please!!!

Oh- by the time some of you read this... I might have made my decision. Happy Day!