Papa

32 years ago today I experienced heart ache for the first time. My amazing grandpa (Papa) passed away, I was 10 year's old. I loved him dearly. He was the rock to our family and he was my favorite person! He played the harmonica, sang diddy's - Mr. Johhny Rebeck- that was my favorite. My mom has told me several times when I was about 4 years old, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and call him, yes at 3 in the morning. She'd taught me his phone number and I used it. I remember when he'd be gone for a job and call the house, how happy I was to talk with him. I'd go stay at Papa and grandma's house on the weekends and loved being with him. He taught me how to mix my vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. Back in the day, my mom would take me to the bar where he would be and I'd order a Shirley Temple- he'd make me an animal (I believe a pig) out of a lime. One day I didn't want to go to church so my grandma called him. Papa came and picked me up. We got ice cream and he drove me around Mesa, telling me stories of when my mom was younger. 

I think about him all the time and I know he's always been watching over me. These last few years, I've had the pleasure of spending time with my mom's cousins husband Newell. He's about Papa's age and it makes me realize that I really missed out. I sit and talk with Newell, he tells stories of WWII and I wish it was Papa sitting there telling me stories about his life, his WWII experiences. Even though I missed out, I am still extremely blessed because for a short time, I had this man in my life. He made an impression on me and I've always wanted to do my best to make him proud. I would like to think he'd be very proud of me today. I'd like to think that we'd be able to sit back, have a drink, and talk for hours and hours. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say a bad thing about this man. He was truly one of a kind. Love you always Papa!

"Stewy"

So tonight, a friend said he was going to start calling me "stewy". When I asked why, he said it is because I keep things in and do not get them off my chest. He is right. So my first post for April's growing (UP) blog... I am realizing I do "stew" over things and I am going to make an effort to put a stop to that.



Question is.... HOW?



Any suggestions?



Most of the time that I "stew" about things is because:

1) I am analyzing if I am over reacting and being too emotional

2) I am too upset to discuss it and need to rationalize it though my thought process aka... think logically

3) I do not want to hurt the other person

4) I would be opening myself up and becoming vulnerable and of course I do not want to get hurt.



I think this is something over the years I have grown to know or understand about myself. I think it's ok to "stew" about things for awhile but I do need to get certain things out on the table. I haven't figured out how to do that yet... but when I do, I'll let you know! It's a growing process... right?

April- Growning up

So this month, I am suppose to write about "Growing (UP)".

Let's back up... I joined NaBloPoMo back in November. It is some blogging website that I do not have time to keep up with, let alone really know what it is about. Anyways, each month I get an email that tells me what I "should" blog about {remember when I blogged everyday in November?}. So this month {APRIL} they suggest to write about "growing (UP)"... and that is what I intend to do.

I have a lot to start talking about and will soon... beginning April 1.
{some ideas}
~how my divorce helped me grown
~going back to school
~Paula
~the girls over the last 4 years
~memories of when I was younger
~daily trials

Stay tuned because I intend to journel {aka: post} as much as I possibly can {in between school, of course}

If you want to join me on this months crusade of "growing (UP)" ... feel free!

Until then-
PEACE~